Catherine’s Monologue Essay
A few minutes earlier, when I was dancing with Rodolpho to “Paper Doll,” I started thinking. I started thinking how much my life had changed these past few months, and how much I have changed. My life has changed in that I have two new people in it, one of which I think I love. I have a job and I now feel more independent. It’s a good feeling. Well that’s setting the scene for you, I guess its time to let it all out.
Eddie has been like a surrogate father to me. I’ve always felt comfortable around him; I’ve been able to talk to him…but lately, all that security has just dissolved. It’s almost the opposite. We can’t have a normal conversation without fighting. I mean for example, a few days ago I came home with Rodolpho from a movie at the paramount. I started telling him about movie, I was so excited. But all he did was start-shooting questions as me, ” Where’d you go? Brooklyn Paramount? ” Of course I went to Brooklyn Paramount! Where else would I go? He knows that I wouldn’t go to New York! Then he tells Rodolpho he wants to talk to me alone.
He starts telling me how he never sees me anymore, his face looked so sad. I started to reassure him, that of course he still saw me, it was just Rodolpho wanted to do so much, see so many things, so I take him. Suddenly he asked me, “Do you like him? ” I answered, “Yes”, and it all went down hill from there. He started saying horrible things like, Rodolpho was only interested in my to gain citizenship and how he was only using me and had no respect for me. That wasn’t Eddie speaking. I had never known Eddie to be like that ever.
Sure, he had always been slightly over-protective, but never like this before. After the “incident” B came and talked to me. She told me how I had to grow up. Be my own person; make him understand that I wasn’t a little girl anymore. She pointed out things to me that I had never noticed before, like how I used to walk around in front of him in my slip or sit on the edge of the bathtub and talk to him while he was shaving in his underwear. I never even thought about that before. But B, she notices these things sharp.
I don’t know, she just seemed really eager for me to get out of the house, get married, leave. She even asked me if I thought she was jealous of me! When she said that, I had never thought about it before. But since she has said that, I’ve started to think about it more and more. Could B be jealous? Of me? Its absurd! B, who is so kind, and sweet and who I love so much like a mother, be jealous of me? It just doesn’t fit. I don’t know why I even thought of it. I guess I’m just thinkin’ crazy these days. And last of all, Rodolpho.
I think I love him, actually I am quite sure now, I do love him. Should I marry him? What other option do I have? Like B said, I can’t just stay here all my life. But the thing is, I’m scared. I’m scared of Eddie. I didn’t think I would ever say that, but it’s the truth. When I say Eddie and Rodolpho boxing, and the look on Eddies face, I knew somethin’ wasn’t right. Beatrice didn’t get it, I think Marco did. Maybe he’s just doing it to protect me? He protects me because he loves me; that makes sense. But sometimes I think Eddie loves me too much, and that’s what scares me.
University/College: University of Arkansas System
Type of paper: Thesis/Dissertation Chapter
Date: 12 October 2017
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